Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Source of Their Strength – II

I prepared my strategy, and gathered the tools I believed I’d need to confront my demons. The angel’s words “put them out” echoed in my thoughts and brought me sporadic comfort. But that was not enough. Not thinking of my demons would not undo their work. “They must be brought into the light,” she says, “Else they will return.” I finished preparing my tools – and when I was ready, I entered the arena of light. I was prepared for a confrontation, but there was none. My demons had been unjust; and sustained by lies that cannot stand in the light. Therefore, there was little need for me to speak. I put down my tools and my demons were undone.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

The Source of Their Strength - I

Sometimes I forget how clever demons can be; their warm smiles and eyes that shed crocodile tears, how insincere they are, ever plotting for the advantage. No matter what they say, or do, they never forget their enemies, and I find myself bitter in their company, tormented by my own thoughts of them. “Must thee engage them in the dark?” my angel whispers, concerned that these thoughts clutter my mind. “Put them out - away from thee,” she says, “Show me thy mortal demons, that they may be undone by the light.” I gaze out the window; outside myself, and my concerns shrink. In the light, my thoughts are busied by good people moving about their day, the beauty of nature, and children at play. It is comforting – but my thoughts then drift back to the dark and the pain returns. “The source of thy pain is in thee,” the angel whispers, “Not in thy enemies. Put them out… and thy pain shall be undone.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Servant's Path

I made my decision last night. I took a step down the path I have chosen, and I did not feel the pain she has promised. In its stead, there was relief. I looked inside my heart and asked, “Where is the pain?” I then looked up ahead and saw that my chosen path has other forks. “It awaits thee beyond yon junction,” she whispers.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Heart of Wings

Lovingly, she comforts me amidst disorder and troubled times. Soothing and confident; she whispers, “Have faith…” My thoughts have been weary and doubtful of myself; yet in silence she consoles. She knows my heart; it’s where she resides, navigating my dreams where hope and destiny collides. I suppose it makes sense, that because she knows my strengths weaknesses and fears, when I am doubtful of myself, I may believe in she who believes in me. “Yes…” she whispers, “Trust in thy heart…” her powerful wings outstretched, “For I am within thee… and through me, ye may rise above earthly fears...”

Friday, May 12, 2006

The Servant

Another disappointment pushes me ever closer to a decision, and she whispers, “What will you do?” I’m tired, and there is a lump rising in my throat. It feels good, these surges of emotions that remind me I’m alive, and the coolness that gathers in my eyes. I blink, and water rolls down my cheeks. No one can see; and how my spirit stands in silence at this fork in my journey. “It is time,” she whispers, “This one is yours.” In the past I have allowed others to decide for me. That is the coward’s way, and foolish to serve while thy own heart and spirit is in jeopardy. “Either path will bring pain,” she whispers, my guardian angel, my conscience, “Slow steady misery for yourself and others, or the ache of knowing that your path brings sorrow to another.” I don’t know what I’ll find down either path, destinations are unknown. I only know that my heart is heavy. Whom shall I serve?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Chasing Clouds

An angel approached me from behind and placed her hand on my shoulder as I looked out at my work. I was feeling down… but her touch was warm and uplifting to the spirit. It was a dream, and my mood could be described with one word. Lost…

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked. But she did not answer. She only watched with me, as more of my past deeds appeared before us.

I began to complain that accomplishing those deeds had brought me little gratification, and that I am seldom satisfied.

She interrupted.

“How do you select your deeds… your goals?” Her voice was strong and yet soothing… how it called me away from my troubles. I saw myself standing below us – and I remembered how I had felt.

I did not answer her question directly. Instead, I tried to explain that my goals help to focus my energies.

She interrupted again.

“Focus, or distract?” she said. I thought about her question as she continued, “If you commit yourself to chasing clouds, to the extent that pursuing them becomes your identity, you will be lost when they evaporates.”

I didn’t fully understand.

“Distract?” I said… puzzled, “Distract me from what?”

“It is important… how you select your goals and invest your energies,” she said, “United, they pursue higher objectives? Divided, they distract from one another.”

“The objective is happiness,” I said without thinking.

“Happiness?” she shrugged. Her voice then became stern, “If happiness is your objective, then why do you not feel incrementally content as you accomplish small steps towards it? Do you believe that your path true?” she looked into my eyes – her eyes were as deep as the ocean, “Does it follow the plan?”

“The plan…?”

“Yes…” still looking into my eyes, “I know that you know…” Then in silence we waited… while I wondered what she was thinking – and what she was thinking of me.

“Is it selfish to seek happiness?” I asked.

“Selfish…” her voice hauntingly echoed, “Would not seeking to make others happy be more fulfilling?”

“Yes…” I nodded… understanding and slightly ashamed.

“What is the meaning of life…” she said, “If not to nourish it? The plan is only that you should love.”

Pursuing a relationship is sometimes like chasing a cloud. If the relationship does not develop, the pursuer is left feeling lost. Like love, clouds are not to be chased and captured - and unlike clouds, love is always within our reach. It was Buddha that said, “When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.”